little superstitions

Wow! I am surprised and kind of disappointed at the same time. So, Tony is beyond amazing… I mean he is one heck of a gentleman. Every time we came to a door he held it open, except for one time when I opened the door for him and he was upset. He even opened the car door for me, what a sweetheart. We didn’t see The Purge, instead we saw The Internship, which was good. He got a small popcorn and a large pop, which he didn’t finish either of. He never made a move, nor did he kiss me good bye. I don’t know if he likes me, but I know I like him, a lot. He was kind of out of it, and shy. During the movie I laid my head on his shoulder, he didn’t reject me, so we got SOMEWHERE. I think he is the closest thing to a perfect guy, I have ever met. Cutest Asian ever.

I am pretty irritated. So, I liked this guy for like 6 months. We flirted constantly, but at his shows he would ignore me. I got into a relationship, and he got all upset, so I was under the impression he liked me. After me and my boyfriend at the time broke up, not because of the boy, he refused to answer me on whether or not he liked me. Recently, I went to his concert with a boy I was dating at the time. I slow danced to his song, and felt pretty bad. I was pretty sure he wasn’t interested anymore, and if he was, his lack of enthusiasm made me loose interest. He ignored my texts for four months, but out of the blue at 1:46AM, he sent me a text message saying “Hey Gwen:))”. Now that is really confusing, is he desperate for attention? We never dated, but it felt like it. I really liked him. Of course he would do this AFTER I find someone I really like. I don’t like games. Derp. I hate teenaged boys. What is going on?

Plastered on the wall is your heart

the one in which you said would never part

the lies you have told yourself

are sitting on your shelf

I am not alone in the silence

as you sit in defiance

I over achieve

but never feel quite relived

not wanting to nod in compliance

You follow all of the trends

beginning to twist and bend

you aren’t going anywhere

and it only seems fair

I left behind hours of time

hiding your grime

the wind speaks

so I leave

it wasn’t really a crime

I don’t follow the herd

it seems quite obscured

to be someone you are not

like it is the new foxtrot

Being a sheep is cool

man you really rule

you can pretend to like cats

and wear cute hats

you are a tool

How can you be true

with all the lies you spew

I have been let down time after time

pretending to be fine

I wont be a sheep

changing in a fragile sweep

when all I want to do is be me

because that is the key

to being free

Anonymous asked: No one cares what u post. omg omg i have a date omg omg my problems problems problems. shut up.

Well, Anonymous, that is your opinion. I am sorry that I am excited about going on a date with an attractive boy. I honestly don’t date often, two relationships in a year so far. If ‘no one’ cares about my posts, then why do you insist on reading them and then complaining, that sir, is caring. My problems are on a blog for a reason. Blogs are for people to share their thoughts, emotions, and interests. You’re grammar is horrible by the way. You are also pretty pathetic for hiding behind anonymous. get over yourself, honestly. This is MY blog, not yours, I don’t tell you how to run yours.

You are just jealous, huh? ;3

   So, I have been talking to this guy lately. Monday is our little ‘date’. I am so excited to maybe get into a mature relationship, where I get asked out on dates before I get asked to go steady. His music preferences are a bit sketchy, but that doesn’t really define who he is, or how great of a person he is. I am excited to see The Purge for our first date. It may seem like a pretty sketchy relationship, considering he is twenty-one, and currently I am sixteen. The truth of it is, in august I will turn seventeen, which will be seen as a four year difference, which isn’t bad at all. I could be dating the twenty-three year old who hits on me every now-and-then, but I am not. I am pretty mature for my age, a majority of my friends are eighteen or older. Next year will be my Senior year of high school, I will be graduating at seventeen, which I am pretty happy about. I do have the tendency to be a little childish, but honestly, I am pretty mature. I have a majority of my life under control, and know what I would like my future to look like. I am an emerging Artist, from a variety of genres. I write, I sing, I draw, I craft, and I take photographs. After I graduate I plan on going to Germany with my schools German program for three weeks. I will hopefully be going into collage right after that. I want to Minor in Photography, and Major in Graphic Design. I know what I want to do with my life, while many people still don’t. I am way over my past relationships. Lacy messaged me telling me I could ‘have’ Kaenan, I did get anxious, but I also didn’t want him back. I am already over David, and Anthony is NOT my rebound. I am pretty happy that for the first time I am not dwell on a bad breakup. I am happy. I am excited. I am doing pretty damn well. (:

     Why is it every time I open myself up, my trust gets breached, and I get hurt. Not even a month of dating, but my heart hurts. First relationship in six months, I really should just stop dating. I just feel like complete shit. I am wanted by so many people, but the one I want to be with doesn’t want me. It is pathetic how one person can make you feel absolutely worthless. I will probably wait another six months before I date, thoroughly examining the one I do kind of like. I need to play it up. I can’t always be happy, or want to be happy. I just want to move on. Get past this mistake of a relationship. I want the six month waiting period to be over. I don’t want to jump right back into a relationship, I don’t want that other person to feel like a rebound. I don’t want to still have feelings for David, and jump into a relationship blind. I don’t want to date… possibly ever. So, I am done.